Following on the heels of the capture of Saddam Hussein's half-brother Barzan (news: photo), Pentagon officials announced today that another key member of Saddam's regime was captured.
Using information gleaned from intelligence sources, as well as tips from Baghdad residents loyal to coalition forces, Alzabang Hussein was captured alone, hiding within the grounds of one of the presidential palaces here in Baghdad. He was found in a small wooden enclosure on the grounds along the Tigris River and, according to a Special Forces spokesman, was found "diligently licking his own balls." The Jack of Clubs card, home to Alzabang's picture, has joined the rapidly growing "hand" of captured fugitives from the Saddam Hussein regime.
President Bush held an unplanned radio address to express his pleasure. "Although Alzabang was not as critical a capture as say, Chemical Ali or blood relations to Saddam, we feel that the capture of Saddam's third cousins’ family pet is a key blow to this terrorist regime, and a feather in the cap for those who strive for freedom around this great nation of ours," said President Bush. Adding, "Only the Almighty Lord or a s__tload of weaponry can bestow these freedoms upon us."
Special Forces operatives are currently interrogating Alzabang and there are high hopes that he has information that might lead to further captures of "evil, no-goodknicks," as President Bush described.
He was also pleased to remove the Jack of Clubs from the regime's deck. "That is one powerful card in Euchre. You know, depending on the called suit. I think we've sent a strong message to Saddam with this capture. I say to Saddam, what do you plan to do without the Jack of Clubs?"
Pentagon identification card for Alzabang Hussein (DOD/Reuters)
Pentagon identification card for Alzabang Hussein (DOD/Reuters) 